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She was exotic to me, and we were inseparable until a few boys in our class insinuated that we were too close. There is something inherently seductive about dissent. I could hear it in each of my mother’s stories before they came to their inevitable point. The joy of defiance and the Official 17 Joe Kelly fight club nice swing bitch shirt it is in the first place but abandon of taking power into your own hands. I had been taught to fear the devil, but it didn’t escape my notice that before he defected, he was the favorite, the most beautiful one. When I was younger, the binary of good and evil felt instructional and comfortable, but the more people I knew and the more of the outside I saw, the more the categories began to collapse. It would take years for the questions to develop and still more time for me to admit that I had them: How could an omniscient being create animals capable of dissent and call it sin? How could evil and beauty coexist? We had been given free will and then asked for blind faith, but there didn’t seem to be a human alive capable of adhering to this absolute.

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The next year, I was sent to a public school. Like our suburb, the Official 17 Joe Kelly fight club nice swing bitch shirt it is in the first place but school district was affluent and mostly white. In the first week, a few students gathered around to touch my hair. My fervent agenda to be good had previously manifested as an obsession with academic excellence, but my plans were derailed. I knew the Bible backward and forward, but I was years behind in science and math. I made friends eventually, beautiful nerds who didn’t give me a hard time for not being able to go to dances or parties on Friday nights, but some of them still challenged me: self-proclaimed atheists from secular homes determined to show me the light, smug, comfortable children who had no reason to reach for God.